Profound Grief
by ChoCedric
Summary: Used to be four separate stories, but I combined them into one. These four short drabbles express Cho Chang's agony after losing the love of her life. She doesn't think she'll ever love again.


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Author's Note: These were originally four separate Cho monologues, but I decided to combine them into one long one. Each drabble is separated by three x's so you know when the subject changes. I hope you enjoy them! Please, please review, for I didn't get many reviews for the four monologues and would like to see some for this long one!

Profound Grief

By: ChoCedric

So Cold

Professor Flitwick tells Cho she can visit Cedric in the hospital wing the day after his death. When she goes in to see him, he is like a statue of the person he used to be. He is like marble, lying there so, so still.

She reaches out to touch his hand, to kiss his stiff lips, and they're so, so cold. She can't bear to look at him; his gray eyes, which were lifelessly staring last night at the wailing crowd, are now closed forever. But the look of surprise he wore at the end of his life is still plain to see on his face. She puts her head on his chest, the chest she used to lay on and hear his comforting heartbeat. But it is now replaced by emptiness, and no sound enters her ears. She squeezes his hand as hard as she possibly can, and Merlin, it's so stiff!

This Cedric that is lying here is not the Cedric who had so much energy and whirled her around on the dance floor at the Yule Ball, the Cedric who smiled at her in the rose garden and gave her the first kiss she has ever experienced. It's hard to believe that her strong, brave soulmate is now forever lying still, but he doesn't seem at rest at all. Looking into his face is like looking into a chasm of turmoil, for he looks so lost and alone! She reaches out her hand to him again, and presses her cheek against his cold, marble one. I'll never be able to fall in love again, she thinks to herself as she once again holds his no-longer-warm hand within hers. They were only together six months, but they were the best six months of her life.

And now, her life is a nightmare from hell. As she kisses his unresponsive lips one last time, she runs out of the room, not being able to bear anymore. Professor Flitwick catches her, and leads her to another bed in the wing where he sits her down and tells her to calm herself. But she knows she'll never be calm again, for her love is lying so very, very still in that bed across the wing, and she'll never see his gray eyes light up again, never see him smile at her again, and it's the most unbearable agony she has ever felt in her life.

Xxx

Love, Six Feet Under

As Cho looks at the ton of people at Cedric's funeral, she can't believe how loved and adored he was. As many hymns are sung, grief pours over her in waves. Her soulmate, the love of her life, is lying forever in that coffin, the look of shock and vulnerability upon his handsome features. It is always going to be stuck there, and she wants to wipe that look off his face and make him feel loved, feel safe, feel as though he will be all right.

When the mass of people go outside for the burial, her heart feels crushed beyond repair. The coffin is closed and lowered into the ground, and she hears nothing but sobs and wails. Her own shoulders shake with racking grief, and dirt starts to be placed over the coffin.

She screams a heartrending note of anguish and runs away from the scene, unable to believe that love, for her, is now six feet under. She doesn't think she'll ever love again, no matter what anyone says. Her father yells at her to come back, for she's causing a scene, but she doesn't care. Her chance for happiness is now gone forever.

She can't bear the thought of him rotting in the ground. Those beautiful hands she loved to hold, those eyes she longed to look into, those lips she adored kissing...'decaying...'it makes her feel sick inside. Her grief is overwhelming her, and she can't bear to look at his grave and headstone. The love of her life is forever gone from her, and her heart is smashed into a million smithereens. And it will always be that way now.

Xxx

Torn Apart

She can't believe she's been torn apart from her strong, handsome knight in shining armor who saw past her superficiality and rescued the soul that cried from beneath it. Before she met Cedric, she thought grades and looking cool were the height of it all, but oh, Merlin, was she wrong. Cedric taught her how to love, how to care, how to embrace life. But now, how can she embrace life without him?

On the first birthday after his death, which is her sixteenth birthday, her friends all give her jewelry and clothes. But as she looks at them, she feels nauseated. How can she like them now? She is no longer superficial, but the person who taught her to see past all that has been torn apart from her. She'll have to spend eternity without him.

"There's one more present," her mother says softly after she has opened all of the others. "Darling, it's from Cedric. He owl ordered it for you before he died. He'd want you to remember him, but move on. That's what his mother told me."

Inside the package is a promise ring and a card. In the card is a message for Cho from her knight, telling her he hopes they will have many more years together and expressing his deepest love. It's so tragic to look at his wonderful handwriting, for they are torn apart now, and they will never get those precious years. And Cho cries hysterically, wanting to tear the card into little pieces. I'll never leave you, it says. Well, you did leave me, Cho wants to scream. And she's a heartbroken mess, and she doubts she'll ever be whole again. The one she was destined to be with, they've forever been torn apart.

Xxx

Unhappily Ever After

They used to lie on the grass by the lake, talking about their future. "How many children would you like, little missy?" he used to ask, stroking her hair gently. Cho can only look upon this memory with bitterness now, for they will never get those children. He was taken away from her, ripped away from her by a grim reaper. His eyes, his beautiful gray eyes, are now lifeless and empty.

She used to dream of them sitting on their rocking chairs on their front porch, enjoying the bliss of old age and a happy marriage. She used to smile fondly as she thought of discussing the Yule Ball with him, seventy years in the future. She used to imagine their children coming to visit them, and grandchildren as well. But now, those thoughts only fill her with hatred for the people who took his beautiful smile away from his face and replaced it with a look of shock and vulnerability.

She remembers that song from the movie Titanic, My Heart will Go On, and she wants to mock it. Her heart can't, won't go on without him. It feels like an empty shell pumping blood now. She knows she'll never be able to fall in love with anyone else like she fell in love with him. People tell her that teenage romances are fickle, but she knows that what she and Cedric had was the real thing. And now he's lying in a coffin, and she knows she'll never be able to throw her arms around his neck again and smell the comforting scent of his Cologne and the other warm scent which was just Cedric.

Whenever she hears love songs, she wants to smash the radio into little pieces, especially the songs that talk about heartbreak. She knows for a fact that she'll never love again; she'll never be able to lock her lips with another boy's without seeing Cedric. When she tried with Harry, she imagined his eyes being gray instead of green, his lips being fuller, him being more confident. So she knows it's a lost cause. She'll never love again, and she knows she's now going to live unhappily ever after, lost without his love.


End file.
